Waiting on the Wind
It has been 17 days since I've been back from my excursion in China and in 4 short days, I will be leaving for Mexico to study abroad for 3 months. I'm restless and excited, apprehensive yet collected. An incomplete flawless list of emotions, time will continue to move along its continuum and I will have no choice but to move with it.
I've lost, for hopefully a short period of time, a dear friend that I thought would always be standing by my side..but relationships, as always are often messy and inconsistent. In the end, time and distance often truly proves those who are, despite your imperfections, are more than willing (and worth fighting) to be in your life. We all learn this lesson, in varying moments of our lives, but eventually we all face the heart ache and the pain of letting someone that you care so deeply for, go. No matter how much effort, how many times you press the call button, or how many thoughtful messages you send, there comes a time when the best thing you can do is simply allow that person to go through the struggles on their own, to open your heart to them by being there for them in the way that they want you to be, even if it doesn't align with your own desires.
I spent a good amount of time in Eugene, basking in the sun, swimming in the river, and staying up late, talking to both old and new faces. I took a bus to visit home (in Coos Bay) and to spend time with my little sisters. On the way there, I had a profound conversation with an older woman who had traveled to China, Egypt, Greece, Australia, and many, many more places. We shared stories and compared the effect of time on China...she had been there before their economic boom on a tour. The country that she experienced was so different than the one that I had traveled to. Her continuous love for traveling inspired me. Whenever I imagine my future (something that I try not to do often) it is usually through images set in decades. "In my 20's I'll be traveling the world, volunteering and providing service...30's I'll have my dream job working in the city....40's I'll be settled in the countryside with a farm, my own garden, a house, and children..etc." Due to unavoidable factors, it is easy to put an age limit on traveling be it children, a job, a relationship. But, fortunately, it doesn't have to be this way.
Another unforeseen circumstance occurred while I was at the river....misfortune seemed to be attracted to me. I did the most thoughtless thing possible and left my purse inside of my friend's car while we went to the river (Mount Pisgah was closed off due to the recent fires). Upon my return, someone had broken into his car, the passenger window completely smashed into tiny pieces...and missing was my purse. The value of everything inside of my purse, at first, seemed meaningless. I had left my wallet at home and the only sentimental thing inside of there was a leather journal containing a detailed documentation of my experience in China. But I quickly realized that hidden in one of the compartments was my passport, a valuable and expensive book that I needed for Mexico...which leads me to my next adventure; Seattle.
Seattle was the closest place to me that expedited passports for short notices. I made an appointment, gathered all of my legal documents, and bought a bus ticket to Seattle. On the first bus was an autistic girl with her two parents. I observed her the entire ride to Portland...her reactions, constant need for her parent's attention, and the way that she acted fascinated by curious mind. I knew very little about how autism worked, but I wondered what thought processes she was having, how the development of her brain worked. On the next bus, I sat by a girl traveling from England, as a result of giving up my seat for an older gentlemen. I never caught her name, the accounts of her life left no room for introductions. She had been traveling for 15 months all throughout the world. What started out working for a summer camp, she continued with her travels, eventually making it to the United States. She was on the end of her trek and it was clear to hear and see that she was ready to go home. While traveling somewhere in Southeast Asia, she had met a lover and together they traveled the rest of Asia. Whether it was coincidental or synchronicity (depending on what you believe), he happened to be from the same town in England as she was from. I could hear the excitement in her voice as she expressed her joys of returning to England and being with him.
Finally in Seattle, one of my brothers picked me up only to drop me off at my other brother's place where I would be staying for the next few days. It was in January when I had last seen everyone (my trips to Seattle were becoming a lot more frequent), but they seemed twice their size, especially the twin boys Gabriel and Samuel. I loved spending quality time with them, the smallest efforts caused the biggest laughter. I listened in bed as my 8 year old niece read to me, walked through the Kingston Ferry with my other niece Emily, and enjoyed lunch with my older Brother. The Asian district in Seattle was a disappointment after returning from China. Overall my stay was extremely pleasant and positive. I had gone there to get my passport and got more in return; one on one family time. On Saturday, my lifelong friend Sonia picked me up. She had been road tripping and was making her way from Seattle to Eugene during my stay there. We intended to drive back, but Mother Nature had other plans for us. We got caught in a huge wind storm that caused many highways to shut down, no electricity, and accidents. Instead of heading home, we went to Jesse's friend's farm. The farm was absolutely magical. Daniel and his wife Alexia lived in the most sustainable way possible, eating everything that they had either planted or raised. The clothes that they wore were made from the skins and furs of animals that they had killed themselves. That night we had a pizza party where we used vegetables from their garden and cooked it inside of a cob oven. If I ever decide to put my roots down, this would be the reason why; to watch the remarkable change of a garden grow, to build a harmonious and loving community, to live sustainable without the input of societal norms.
Now I am back in Eugene, loving every moment except for this exact one. Currently I am in the hospital, awaiting for my mom to get out of her spinal surgery. I'm a nervous wreck because she keeps on joking, but I can hear the hint of seriousness in her voice, as she talks about what she wants to happen when she dies. I try hard to avoid her words, but death, like everything else in our life, is inevitable. I gaze out of the dirty big window into a field of trees. I'm watching the day pass by as the sun slowly starts to set and the subtle wind causes the leaves to flutter.
I've lost, for hopefully a short period of time, a dear friend that I thought would always be standing by my side..but relationships, as always are often messy and inconsistent. In the end, time and distance often truly proves those who are, despite your imperfections, are more than willing (and worth fighting) to be in your life. We all learn this lesson, in varying moments of our lives, but eventually we all face the heart ache and the pain of letting someone that you care so deeply for, go. No matter how much effort, how many times you press the call button, or how many thoughtful messages you send, there comes a time when the best thing you can do is simply allow that person to go through the struggles on their own, to open your heart to them by being there for them in the way that they want you to be, even if it doesn't align with your own desires.
I spent a good amount of time in Eugene, basking in the sun, swimming in the river, and staying up late, talking to both old and new faces. I took a bus to visit home (in Coos Bay) and to spend time with my little sisters. On the way there, I had a profound conversation with an older woman who had traveled to China, Egypt, Greece, Australia, and many, many more places. We shared stories and compared the effect of time on China...she had been there before their economic boom on a tour. The country that she experienced was so different than the one that I had traveled to. Her continuous love for traveling inspired me. Whenever I imagine my future (something that I try not to do often) it is usually through images set in decades. "In my 20's I'll be traveling the world, volunteering and providing service...30's I'll have my dream job working in the city....40's I'll be settled in the countryside with a farm, my own garden, a house, and children..etc." Due to unavoidable factors, it is easy to put an age limit on traveling be it children, a job, a relationship. But, fortunately, it doesn't have to be this way.
Another unforeseen circumstance occurred while I was at the river....misfortune seemed to be attracted to me. I did the most thoughtless thing possible and left my purse inside of my friend's car while we went to the river (Mount Pisgah was closed off due to the recent fires). Upon my return, someone had broken into his car, the passenger window completely smashed into tiny pieces...and missing was my purse. The value of everything inside of my purse, at first, seemed meaningless. I had left my wallet at home and the only sentimental thing inside of there was a leather journal containing a detailed documentation of my experience in China. But I quickly realized that hidden in one of the compartments was my passport, a valuable and expensive book that I needed for Mexico...which leads me to my next adventure; Seattle.
Seattle was the closest place to me that expedited passports for short notices. I made an appointment, gathered all of my legal documents, and bought a bus ticket to Seattle. On the first bus was an autistic girl with her two parents. I observed her the entire ride to Portland...her reactions, constant need for her parent's attention, and the way that she acted fascinated by curious mind. I knew very little about how autism worked, but I wondered what thought processes she was having, how the development of her brain worked. On the next bus, I sat by a girl traveling from England, as a result of giving up my seat for an older gentlemen. I never caught her name, the accounts of her life left no room for introductions. She had been traveling for 15 months all throughout the world. What started out working for a summer camp, she continued with her travels, eventually making it to the United States. She was on the end of her trek and it was clear to hear and see that she was ready to go home. While traveling somewhere in Southeast Asia, she had met a lover and together they traveled the rest of Asia. Whether it was coincidental or synchronicity (depending on what you believe), he happened to be from the same town in England as she was from. I could hear the excitement in her voice as she expressed her joys of returning to England and being with him.
Finally in Seattle, one of my brothers picked me up only to drop me off at my other brother's place where I would be staying for the next few days. It was in January when I had last seen everyone (my trips to Seattle were becoming a lot more frequent), but they seemed twice their size, especially the twin boys Gabriel and Samuel. I loved spending quality time with them, the smallest efforts caused the biggest laughter. I listened in bed as my 8 year old niece read to me, walked through the Kingston Ferry with my other niece Emily, and enjoyed lunch with my older Brother. The Asian district in Seattle was a disappointment after returning from China. Overall my stay was extremely pleasant and positive. I had gone there to get my passport and got more in return; one on one family time. On Saturday, my lifelong friend Sonia picked me up. She had been road tripping and was making her way from Seattle to Eugene during my stay there. We intended to drive back, but Mother Nature had other plans for us. We got caught in a huge wind storm that caused many highways to shut down, no electricity, and accidents. Instead of heading home, we went to Jesse's friend's farm. The farm was absolutely magical. Daniel and his wife Alexia lived in the most sustainable way possible, eating everything that they had either planted or raised. The clothes that they wore were made from the skins and furs of animals that they had killed themselves. That night we had a pizza party where we used vegetables from their garden and cooked it inside of a cob oven. If I ever decide to put my roots down, this would be the reason why; to watch the remarkable change of a garden grow, to build a harmonious and loving community, to live sustainable without the input of societal norms.
Now I am back in Eugene, loving every moment except for this exact one. Currently I am in the hospital, awaiting for my mom to get out of her spinal surgery. I'm a nervous wreck because she keeps on joking, but I can hear the hint of seriousness in her voice, as she talks about what she wants to happen when she dies. I try hard to avoid her words, but death, like everything else in our life, is inevitable. I gaze out of the dirty big window into a field of trees. I'm watching the day pass by as the sun slowly starts to set and the subtle wind causes the leaves to flutter.
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